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Friday, 23 January 2009

forever and always?
i hate guys who say i love you when they are "happy"
yes say you love me in bed... ask me if i love you too?
sry i dont think love is that easily passed around...it doesnt come easy and shouldnt be always said when its not meant....
on another note...being with you... seeing you at least try a little in our relationship
makes me very very happy.
guess thats just how much you mean to me at the moment :)

Tuesday, 02 December 2008

if i could give up anything to change this horrible thing i have to live with when i look in the mirror every single day. I would.
on another note, so is this yet another episode of your long m.i.a. again? cuz if it is... i'm used to it. I have long learned to not give a shit anymore.
To the other guys in my life that i thought could have been the right guy for me.... i give up.. none of you are what i need. None of you appreciate me for who i really am.
I guess the right guy for me is still out there..

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

I haven't felt this much guilt in a long...long time.
I don't know what to do.
I'm scared for him and myself.
Is he already hurt? Is it happening now? How about tomorrow?
Either way he' s going to find out I told on him. He's going to hate me for the rest of my life.
And the other one will learn that I talked behind his back as well. And he can do alot of shit to me.
So....
what am i to do??
Should I warn him?

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

shoot... what i have done
now hes gonna get beat up...
its all my fault...
now im gonna be in shit too....
i always get myself in shit...
i don't know what to do.

fuck i need a survey to get this off my mind!
60 QUESTION survey about your crush/boyfriend
What do you love [LIKE!!!!!] about him? [yes or no]
eyes: eh not really
hair: no
personality: not really
voice: LOL.. yea i like his voice
talent: hmmm blazing?
Now for the questions about him.
Does he play sports?: no.
An instrument?: piano
Does he get good grades?: .. lets just say no LOL
What's his favorite music?: emo LOL rock and rap
sport?: idk
drink?: he doesnt drink
color: idk
does he have any siblings?: yep. 2 brothers
Now questions about you + him.
When was the last time you saw him?: last tuesday
Have you ever hugged him?: no
kissed?: nope
held hands?: no
When was the last time you thought about him [before this survey started]?: um... yesterday.
When was the last time you thought about him and smiled?: now.
The last time you thought about him and cried/got really upset?: idk never
What makes you think of him?: so many things.
When's the next time you'll see him?: iuno
Be HONEST:
how much older is he than you?: ....18 days LOL
Do you know where he lives?: somewhere in hicktown
Would you stalk him if he lived close enough?: no. that's just weird as hell.
Are you both the same race?: yes
Same nationality?: yes
Same sex? [dear lord I hope not.]: noooo.
Does he laugh at your jokes?: yeah.
Do you guys actually TALK?: yeahhhh.
Are you even friends?: yes
Are you a TV show romance [you love your best friend + never tell]?: HAAHAH hes kind of my godbrother
Do you have an inside joke?: maybe.
Have you ever slept/laid down on his bed?: nopenope
The first time you met
First thoughts?: i don't even really remember.he used to be a nicer guy... and alot fatter LMAO
Did you make a fool of yourself?: no
Where were you?: umm... walking from friend's house
Did he remember you the second time?: yeah.
Questions about how he acts when he's with you..
Do you ever find him looking at you randomly?: yeah.
Does/Did he ever ask what you do when you aren't with him?: yeah.
Does he encourage you?: HAHAH to blaze =/
Have you ever had an everyone's around but he's the only one I see moment?: yeeeeah.
Your friend's view on him.
Do they like him?: lol not all of my friends get along with him.
Would you still like him if your friends didn't?: yeah
Do people say you guys should go out: no i think it'll be really strange LOL
Is anyone jealous of the time you spend together with him?: not really.
How many friends have you told about your crush?: um..3 LOL.
Last Questions
Do you ever wonder if he thinks about you?: idk
Do you ever wonder if he likes/liked you?: and i wonderrrr
Are you desperately loving/missing him?: not desperately.
Do you dream of him?: no

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Ten things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:

1. to my first love: ....these 4 years I've known you, when you first came into my life ...I thought you were my blessing, but you turned out be the biggest dissapointment, and a big lesson I had to learn the hard way. Sometimes I look at you now and still can't comprehend what kind of person you have become today. I wasted way too much time, and too many tears still giving a shit about you. Thanks for making me a fighter.

2. to my best friends: thank you guys for always being there for me when i feel like theres nothing else to get up for. Thanks for always standing behind me even when i make the stupidest mistakes and repeat them over and over. Thanks for putting up with my stupidness and dependence...and most of all my weirdness for allllll these years! I will always be here for you guys when you need me, even if i'm alot better at listening than making you feel better:P hahah i love you guys to death!! BFFAE :)

3. to my mom: i know you pretend to be cold hearted on the outside... but the older i get,the more i realize inside you love me and my sis more than anything! I feeeeeel your love<3 love you mommy

4. to my dad: dad you let me get away with too much, even when i'm so mean to you.. I love you to death... always daddy's little girl<3

5. to my "godbrother": i hope our closeness lasts :P chilling with you has been fun.

6. to dz: you'll always be one of my best friends...you were my first friend since i got here ...its been 10 years and counting! thanks for never judging me no matter how different i am from the innocent girl you met when u had no front teeth. Love you cuz!

7. to dj: you definitely helped make my high school experience... uh..interesting? You influenced me in many ways... without you I would not have tried half the things I did, been to half the places i've been, even though we don't really talk anymore, sometimes i miss it. Just sometimes.

8. to at: bro i can say... you have been a good friend to me through thick and thin...and you listen to me no matter what, didn't judge me when no one else knew the real me because of all the secrets i kept cuz i was afraid. You helped me through a phase where i was heartbroken to pieces. Thank you for helping me pick those pieces up. I will always be there for you.

9. to mr future romeo: lol You better be perfect for me, and my handsome prince in my happily ending fairy-tale because I've had too many heartbreaks and assholes in my life already...

10. to my baby sis: i know whenever i'm in a bad mood, i always take it out on you... but you actually mean the world to me. I love you loser<3 I will always ther for you as a sister, as a friend, someone you can come to no matter what.

Nine things about yourself:
1. I procastinate way too much
2. I eat like a pig... HAHAHha
3. I need to lose weight
4. I love watching movies from thrillers to corny chick flicks
5. I currently really want a maltese :(
6. I can't save up for shit LOL
7. I wanna get my ears repierced
8. I want a tattoo!
9. I have tiny-ass hands and feet.

Eight ways to win your heart:
1. good sense of humour
2. confidence
3. sweet-talk (i fall for it everytime>< unfortunately)
4. be good looking, thanks LOL (even though i've dated alot of...less than goodlooking guys if i like their personality)
5. GOOD PERSONALITY
6. money
7. smarts!
8. be thoughtful and HONEST

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:
1. money. i need more!
2. i'm not pretty enough
3. shopping
4. friends!
5. HOMEWORK...stress
6. where's my romeo? :(
7. i need more sleep

Six things you wish you'd never done:
1. I wish I never met my first love
2. I wish I never went out with guys for pity or out of spurr of the moment or to keep me from being lonely
3. I wish I never wasted so much time on one person
4. I wish I never became such a disorganized and procrastinating person
5. I wish I never wore makeup when i was younger to cover up my acne cuz i think that made it worse LOL
6. I wish I never made all the mistakes i made when it comes to guys.

Five turn-offs for me:
1. bad breath
2. .....hideousness?
3. cockyness
4. assholes!
5. unhygenic

Four turn-ons for me:
1. hot body
2. hot face
3. mmm really yummy cologne
4. idk, if they are really into me?

Three words that describe your life:
1. haha...loveless?
2. unplanned
3. blessed

Two things you want to do before you die:
1. be successful
2. have a happy home of my own

One confession:
1. I have an essay to write thats already a day late HAHAHA....yet i'm here doing this survey.